After a day like today you really want to fall into the arms of the one you love the second you walk in the door.  In a long distance relationship, you don’t get to do that and you long for the day you can.  And, you hope that once that day comes, you do not take it for granted and you appreciate it for everything it is and remember the times you didn’t have those arms so readily available.

Today I am envious of those of you who can sit at the dinner table with the one you love, sit on the couch and share a bottle of wine while mindlessly watching tv and holding each other, or just simply look each other in the eyes, say ‘I had a really crappy day’ and feel his arms wrap around you for comfort and security.  I could give just about anything to have that right now, at this very minute.

Well tonight was interesting.  Full of emotion.  Lots of wine.  Matt and I had our weekly skype date.  I sat outside with a bottle of wine and he had some beer.  It was supposed to be a somewhat short skype date since he committed to a volunteer thing at 5am but it’s almost 1am in Ohio and we just ended our skype date.  To start, it was great to see him (even if it was on a computer screen); and it’s Friday; and it’s gorgeous outside; and perfect for a patio skype date with wine.  We talked about our work week, Abigayle, my visit next week, all our plans including going to the memorial tournament, the anticipation of moving, and living together, and before I knew it, I was in tears.  I remember saying ‘how did I get to this point; I don’t even know why I’m in tears.’  Well, I’m sure it was the combination of wine, emotion, and desire to be together and just hold each other.  This is the challenge with a long distance relationship; if only we were together, and could feel each other’s touch, I’m sure everything would be so much better.

When you’re dating a guy with children, regardless of where you live, or whether or not you’re in a long distance relationship, I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes they were number one in their boyfriends life, but loves him that much more because of the reason you’re not number one.  I just wanted to hear it.  Admit it…  At this time, right now, your daughter is number one and that is why I am going to have to leave my family for yours.  It’s ok; I get it; just say it.

And that was where all the emotion came to the surface.  I love him because of his qualities, and the fact that he is such a wonderful father and has all of the characteristics I would want in a partner; but every girl wants to be number one and that means the guy will move heaven and earth to be with you.  And in my mind, that means moving to Washington.  However, when that guy is a daddy, you make exceptions and you come to terms with the fact that there’s only so much of heaven and earth that can be moved but if he truly loves you, he is willing to make many sacrifices and move trees and bushes to fulfill everyone’s desires.  Sometimes this is hard to accept and tonight was one of those times.  I wanted heaven and earth to be moved, and I didn’t think it was fair that I will have to leave my family so he can have his, especially when I’ve only had two years with my family.  But, I understand it and wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t have those qualities.  This is a constant internal struggle; and it’s normal and it’s ok.  And it’s part of the long distance relationship challenge.

Ultimately, I shed my tears, we talked through it, with raised voices at times, but just like you shouldn’t go to bed mad, we didn’t hang up mad.  And we still love each other.

Long distance relationships suck. There, I said it.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  Do I recommend it?  Not really, but if it’s worth it, yes.  How do you know if it’s worth it?  Do you wish you could share everything you do with your special someone?  Do you wish they were in your bed every night?  Do you wish they were waiting for you when you got home from work?  Do you dream about being together in the same town, under the same roof?  Is someone willing to make that sacrifice?  Are you committed to short term pain for long term gain?  I’m constantly reminded that I’m right where I’m supposed to be at this time.  My favorite quote lately: “God has you right where you are strategically for the revolution.”  What is supposed to happen will happen when the time is right.  For now, I’m right where I’m supposed to be and I know that.  Doesn’t mean it’s easy though.

What makes it work?  Trust.  And commitment.

Matt and I had the most amazing once in a lifetime experience this weekend.  When Matt was here in February and we did the Red Wine and Chocolate tour in Prosser, the owners of Coyote Canyon Winery invited us to their vineyard for an Easter Sunday sunrise service, where they have three giant crosses.  We spent Saturday night in Prosser so we could make it to the vineyard by 6am Easter Sunday.  There was a small, intimate group, a fire, and a lovely Easter Sunday service with Bible readings, songs, and bread and wine – Tres Cruces wine – very fitting for the occasion.  The view was breathtaking and everyone was so welcoming and loving.  It’s something Matt and I will never forget and are so appreciative of the opportunity.

We then spent the rest of Easter Sunday at mom’s and had the whole family over for lunch and an Easter egg hunt.

We also spent time with our good friends Sara and Stephen.  They came over for steaks and wine and good fun and laughter.

I just hate it when we have to say good-bye.  I leave the airport in tears and spend the rest of my day at work feeling so sad.  It’s a crazy emotional roller coaster.  One day you’re full of smiles and laughter and holding hands, then the next day your heart is melting and the tears are flowing.  Each time I tell myself, ‘this time I won’t cry’ and it never works.  The emotions and the sadness never go away and saying good-bye never gets easier.  The next time we will see each other is Memorial weekend; that’s a long time from now.

I made a very last minute spontaneous decision and went to Ohio for St. Patricks Day and had the absolute best time!  It was a very quick trip but so worth it and Matt will be here in three weeks for Easter.  Right when I got off the plane, we headed over to Bar Louie and met up with the usual NetJets group – Amit, Dan, Henry, and Brian.  Then Matt made some excellent steaks on the grill, and I mixed up a sautéed mushroom marsala sauce and spinach with gorgonzola.  St. Patrick’s Day was Saturday and we had such a good time.  Matt went to the gym early in the morning and I slept in then got ready for my favorite holiday.  The day was gorgeous – sunny and 72 degrees; I wore my jean skirt, and a green shirt.  We started out visiting his mom, brother, and sister-in-law then went to Chipotle for lunch – my favorite.  From there, we made a stop at the Diamond Cellar.  We met our salesperson John and he immediately offered us some wine.  How did he know?  Of course we’ll have some wine.  Matt has been hinting for a while about putting something on ‘that naked finger’ as he calls it so a visit to the Diamond Cellar was anticipated.  We were there for a couple hours, I picked out a couple settings, and Matt took John’s info.  No idea what happens now.  The Buckeyes were playing in the final four so we headed to BW3’s to watch the basketball game and meet up with Mandi.  From there we went downtown and did some bar hopping, starting out at Brothers where I met Matt’s friend Krystle, then to Cavanaughs where we danced the night away.  The evening was perfect – we danced on the roof overlooking the Columbus skyline and the temperature was perfect.

The rest of the weekend was pretty relaxing.  I had dinner with Mandi while Matt went to Cincy to get Abigayle.  We survived flickering lights and tornado warnings while eating our sushi dinner.  I left the next day which is always such a struggle but I know I will see him in three weeks for Easter so it lessens the pain a little bit.

I ended up staying in Ohio longer than I had originally planned.  My adopted mom needed help getting some medical things lined up and I am so glad I had more time to spend with Matt.  We went to Winterfair which has always been one of my favorite things to do in Columbus.  Matt bought me some very nice pieces of jewelry.

We also celebrated Christmas all week long.  There were enough gifts that we each opened at least one a day.  Matt went overboard and showered me with more jewelry – necklace and earring sets, and several other gifts.  He loved the bracelet I got him which was the one gift I was the most excited about giving him.

The best part was spending so much time with him in his home.  It felt so natural and easy.  I’ve been living on my own for ten years so I was somewhat nervous and apprehensive about whether or not I would adapt, and it ended up feeling very natural which surprised me at first but was very much welcomed and refreshing.

I finally made it to Columbus last night after some flight delays, and had a fun dinner with Matt and Mandi at Moretti’s.

Today is Thanksgiving, Matt’s birthday, and now Alex’s birthday.  My sister Collette had her baby today.  Figures, he was due on my birthday, and he was born on Matt’s birthday.  J  I’m so happy to be in Ohio but I am sad I wasn’t there for the birth.  I have yet to experience the birth of any of my nieces and nephews and I was hoping I would this time.   Oh well, sacrifices, right?

Turkey lunch was wonderful.  Then we had birthday cake and celebrated Matt’s birthday.  I met most of Matt’s family, including his daughter Abigayle.  She gave me a big hug as soon as she saw me.  And she didn’t leave my side.  I could tell she was sad when she had to get in the car and go to Cincinnati to meet her mom.

I had such a fun birthday.  We had a fun night but we were on stand-by in case my sister Collette went into labor.  Her due date was November 18^th, (my birthday) and there was no delivery.  So we’re still waiting.  Mom, Boyd, my sister Charlette, and I started out at Twigs for cocktails and appetizers then went to Terra Blanca and met up with a group of friends.  TB reserved a table for 10 for us.  Wine was flowing!  My friend Stephen kept ordering more wine and each bottle got better and better.  Justin, who works for TB, gave me a 2002 Malbec for my birthday.  There was drinking, laughing, and dancing to live music.  Matt joined us via fun tweets back and forth.  I just really wish he could have joined us.  So many times I thought, ‘if only Matt were here; or Matt would have a funny comment.’  I wish we could’ve danced together, and held each other close, then fallen asleep together.  Short term pain for long term gain.

The text message tone woke me up this morning: “You should come to Ohio for Thanksgiving.”  “To be with you?”  “Yes” he texted.  He said he prayed about it and wants to continue to explore where we are heading, and experience things in Columbus together.  I am thrilled to hear this.  I just wasn’t ready to give up and lose him.  But the pain is still there.  I’m sure with time it will go away.  My biggest fear is that he will drop a bomb like that on me again.  I guess I’m willing to take that risk; he’s worth it.  Short term pain for long term gain.