I haven’t eaten for two days, and my body is a mess; I’ve never felt such physical pain from a broken heart. So many tears. Matt agreed to talk and I asked if we could Skype so we could get as close to talking in-person as possible. I had dinner plans with some friends at Sara’s and I went for a bit before Skyping with Matt. They were all very supportive and hopeful for me.
The conversation with Matt went pretty well. We both shared our feelings and he tried to explain why he did what he did. In retrospect, he wishes he had handled it differently. He says he does love me and he’s not sure what to do. He used the word ambivalent. I asked him if he really wanted me out of his life and the relationship to be over; he said no. He asked for some time to figure things out and pray for some guidance. Overall, I felt better at the end of our talk; I think Matt did too. I’m not sure if I will be going to Ohio or not. I was so excited to spend time with Matt in his home, and doing things with him in Ohio; it will be very hard for me to be there without that. It’s up to him if I go to Ohio. I guess I’ll know in a week or so.